Confessions of a New Daddy

I know... I never post on here.
It's not that I don't want to... it's that I forget... don't make the time...
But here I am... 1AM... should be in bed... figured maybe I should blog today.

Megan is approaching 4 months old. Just the other day as I was loading these pictures onto Lindsay's iPod...


I could not believe how quickly the last 4 months had passed me by. Could it be that my little Megan was truly growing so fast right before my eyes? My little 5 pound peanut was now a 15 pound sack of peanuts?

It got me to thinking...

1) That I'm so happy that Lindsay and I found one another... and that our union brought this little girl into our lives. I don't think I would have ever become a father without Lindsay (just ask my family about my opinion of having kids back in my 20s). Megan is the greatest gift my wife will ever give me (at some point in the future to be tied with kid #2).

2) That I love my little girl so much... that I would sacrifice myself to ensure her safety, her happiness, her future.

3) That each morning... when I see Megan lying in her crib... smile across her face... that nothing in the world is going to get me down. That no matter what life throws at my family... that smile will make it all better.

4) That being a stay-at-home parent is the most difficult job in the world. But with that difficulty comes some of the greatest rewards. Knowing that over the next few months Lindsay is going to see some of Megan's "firsts"... and that I'm going to miss most of them while working. Wishing that somehow we won millions... so that we could both stay home... share the burden/rewards of parenthood more equally.

5) And finally... that we need to take as many pictures as we can... because she is growing so fast... and before we know it... our little Megan will be a grown up woman... who I hope will find that special someone to start this whole parent process over with again.

Speaking of pictures... just a few of my favorites...

On a recent trip to the Quabbin Reservoir.
We all had a great time going for a walk in Springlike weather.

Megan's First Piggyback ride.

Cute girls everywhere!

While this facial expression may not show it...
Megan actually enjoys being squirted by Mr. Ducky.

How am I ever going to say "No" to that cute face?

"I love you Mommy!"

I make no promises... but maybe it won't be 4 more months before I post here again. ;-)

So My Mom Says....

"Did you know in less than 4 months you're going to be a mother?!" Yes. Yes, I did.

Tomorrow (Th Sept 11th) is 24 weeks. That means I have only 16 weeks left.

I feel like I don't have enough time anymore.
Not enough time for me.
Not enough time for Eric.
Not enough time for life.
Not enough time to prepare for her arrival.
I feel like I'm always on the go, yet I'm never doing anything.

It's sort of overwhelming when I really take a moment and think about everything that's going to be happening in a short amount of time.
I'm going to have contractions.
I'm going to have to get this baby out of me - either on my own or with some help.
I'm going to have to take her home.
I'm going to have to be alone with her when Eric goes back to work and Mom and Bob aren't around.
I'm going to have to listen to her cry and cry and cry.

It's all very exciting, yet very scary. I've been waiting a long time to be a mom, and now I'm not sure I'm ready. But I guess I don't have much choice do I?

I was reading through all of my past blogs and was laughing to myself. At week 9, I was complaining about how crappy I felt. Now, I feel like my old self - just a little fatter.

I quickly mentioned how Eric got to feel Megan kick while we were on vacation. I wanted to talk a little bit more about it since it was a big day.

I was laying in bed watching tv when she started moving. I told Eric and he came over. I said "I'm not sure if you'll be able to feel her, but she's here" and led his hand to my lower belly. We waited a minute and I said "There" at the same time that he said "OOH!". It was the last kick of her workout, but he felt it.

He was grinning from ear to ear and I loved it. After almost 2 months of feeling her move inside me, he finally got to feel her too.

He kept talking to her for the rest of the trip and when he did, he'd ask if she was kicking. No hon. I'm sorry but she's not kicking to your voice yet (or even mine). He'd read that if you tapped on Mom's belly, baby would kick back. He tried it, but no luck. He'll keep trying I know.

I was talking to a friend who is due in about a month last night and she asked if the baby was hicupping yet. Nope - not yet. Not sure how that will feel! The kicks are weird enough. I can't imagine frequent thumps in there! I've heard it tickles a little. I'll let you know when it happens.

WHAT'S BABY HOLM UP TO?

Week 24

Your baby's growing steadily, having gained about 4 ounces since last week. That puts her at just over a pound. Since she's almost a foot long (picture an ear of corn), she cuts a pretty lean figure at this point, but her body is filling out proportionally and she'll soon start to plump up. Her brain is also growing quickly now, and her taste buds are continuing to develop. Her lungs are developing "branches" of the respiratory "tree" as well as cells that produce surfactant, a substance that will help her air sacs inflate once she hits the outside world. Her skin is still thin and translucent, but that will start to change soon.

My Baby has a Name and...

It's Megan.

Big Ultrasound day today. And the technician was fairly certain Baby Holm is a girl. Even being confident enough to point out Ms. Megan's lady-bits. Lets just hope that now that we are 95% sure that Megan is in there... little Jack hasn't pulled a fast one on us!

It's amazing how fast Megan has developed since the last time I saw her. She was squirming around in mommy's womb. Arms and legs movin' all over the place. At one point she decided to flaunt her "ass"ets. *laughs*

Today was somewhat bitter sweet... as excited as I was to see my baby... and to find out if Jack or Megan was in there... it was also the last time I will see little Megan until she is born. Half way through this process and now I have to just sit and wait... and wait... and wait.

Sure I'll continue to see Lindsay go through some changes... to feel the occasional kick... but no more seeing the little hand make a fist... legs kick... or to see a blue/white image outlining my little girls face. *BTW... Megan appears to have daddy's nose!*

Daddy, Read To Me

In high school, my most favorite subject was anatomy & physiology. The human body fascinates me to no end. The way it attacks itself with cancers, the way it heals itself from a scratch or broken bone. The way it grows, the way it dies. It's all amazing to me.

As much as I understand what's happening scientifically, I'm still amazed that I'm growing a person. Seriously - there's a person growing in my stomach!! A PERSON!!! It started out as 2 little cells joining and each day, each minute, each second - something new is happening!

Sometimes it's a little freaky, sometimes it's overwhelming, but it's always amazing. Growing fingers, growing hair, creating blood and more.

To top it off, after this person is born - Eric and I are responsible for it. ERIC AND I!!!!

Sometimes we can't even take care of ourselves - how can we take care of another person??

But I know we'll be ok. Even though Eric hasn't been around little kids much before he met Josh and Emma, I know he'll do ok. And I've had more than my fair share of kids between babysitting, camp, J&E and my friend's kids.

I've been trying to get Eric to read to the munchkin since I got home from Chicago, but I think he's sort of self-conscious about it. I seriously can't wait for the day he feels comfortable enough to do it.

He asked if he had to read a kid's book or if it could be Stephen King. I told him SK would be alright as long as it was in a pleasant voice during all the killing and swearing ;-)

According to my weekly update I get emailed, I should be feeling faint movement in the next few weeks. THAT will freak me out even more, but I'm really looking forward to it. All I can think about is the alien coming out from the guy's stomach in ALIENS!

In just about 3 1/2 weeks, we'll be finding out if it's a Jack or a Megan. I've added a poll on the right - tell us what you think Munchkin Holm will be!

WHAT'S BABY HOLM UP TO?

16 Weeks

Get ready for a growth spurt. In the next few weeks, your baby will double his weight and add inches to his length. Right now, he's about the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces. His legs are much more developed, his head is more erect than it has been, and his eyes have moved closer to the front of his head. His ears are close to their final position, too. The patterning of his scalp has begun, though his locks aren't recognizable yet. He's even started growing toenails. And there's a lot happening inside as well. For example, his heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day, and this amount will continue to increase as your baby continues to develop.

I'm really going to be...

A DADDY!

On a Friday in Mid-April I wasn't looking forward to my day. Friday's I sometimes have to go to work twice... once for a meeting in the morning... then back again at night to close up shop. The night before I had also closed... so I was very very tired. To top it all off... with gas hitting $3.50/gallon I had decided that I wouldn't take a trip home that day and just hang out at work for 16+ hours.

Rolling out of bed about 15 minutes before having to leave... I was in the shower. My morning shower usually involves me being in a half-conscious state where my body goes through all the motions of cleaning without giving it a moments thought.

My wife enters the bathroom... we both leave the house at about the same time in the morning. I half realize that she is taking a pregnancy test... and moments later I hear an excited voice say "We're pregnant." All I could mumble was... "Huh?" "Is that accurate... maybe you should take another test tomorrow."

The words I would use to describe my feelings... Pleasantly Shocked

-- Fast Forward to June 3rd --

Lindsay has been through a lot... morning sickness, chronic sleepiness, mild mood swings, and just an overall crappy feeling. I, on the other hand, haven't had much change in my life... Until about 10:30AM on June 3rd.

I didn't expect to see our little one... not thinking Lindsay would be taking an Ultrasound. But I think her mid-wife knew that this would be an exciting moment for us. For me it will be a singular moment that I will never forget.

The technician didn't think it was going to be easy for us to see Baby Holm since Lindsay hadn't drank the gallons of water you need to move things around to make the Ultrasound easier. But the moment the technician started there he/she was. I think the baby even gave us a little wave with his/her arm.

We got a picture of Baby Holm to take with us... but it will be the memory of that moment that will always be foremost in my mind. The feelings of excitement, happiness, and love for both my wife and my future spawn. I couldn't help but smile and get a little giddy. At that moment my life change forever... knowing I was going to be a daddy.

The words I would use to describe my feelings... Blissfully Happy